Adjustments.

I found out yesterday I will need to have shoulder surgery. By need, I mean it poses the only real option for enjoying a proper quality of life through the rest of my days. I most likely have a labral tear, something that won't heal on its own and can't be addressed through physical therapy.

I had prepared myself for this possibility even before my first appointment with the orthopedist, so it surprises me how much I need to deal with this.

Much as I may try to downplay it sometimes, I'm still young. In fact, my youth provides a primary justification for the surgery itself: a progressively worsening joint injury shouldn't force someone to sacrifice hobbies and independence at age 25. I can fix this.

The reality is, though, I'll lose the use of my right arm for six weeks after the surgery. After two weeks of total immobilization, followed by four weeks in a sling without lifting it, I will begin physical therapy to regain use of my shoulder. All in all, this seems like a small price to pay to get a significant portion of my life back and stop living in fear of aggravating a new episode of debilitating pain.

Over the past 24 hours I have become acutely aware of how much life revolves around having two arms. Laying in bed last night with my right arm stretched above my head, I though about how much I love my body and try (sometimes not hard enough) to take care of it. I'm still in my years of being young, strong, resilient, beautiful. The thought of being crippled in such a dramatic way for such an extended period of time is so weird. I can't quite get my head around it.

For any able-bodied 20-something, I think this is probably sort of scary. We've probably never had to think about what it would be like to be unable to wash our own hair, dress ourselves, hug our partners with both arms, freely move our arms and legs in rhythm with our feelings.

After I've sorted all this out (I'm giving it a week), it'll be time to look at a calendar and ask myself "when is the best time to lose my right arm for a while?"